On January 14th, the auspicious day of Uttaran when any departing soul is said to surely arrive in heaven (BG 8:24), my mother Swati Shah passed away from this world, to a better one. I wrote the following speech to rejoice in, both, her impact here and her outcome at eternal peace. Many that attended the funeral asked me to share these words as a lasting toast to her legacy. Let’s all take a moment to miss mom, to miss our dear Swati, but to also be happy for her beautiful soul.
Mom,
How much do we all have to remember you for today – I don’t think any of us know really where to begin. The memories you made with us, the laughs you shared with us, the advice you gave us, the strength you showed us, the impact you made on us – it’s so immense, and I promise you, will be so long-lasting. And the beauty of your spirit – it’s so profound its hard to even put into words. But I’ll try my best. So that we can celebrate your life here on Earth and your departure and liberation to God.
First, to remember and rejoice in your legacy here on Earth. In your obituary, I tried to describe your nature in a collection of adjectives. It was hard to encompass you but here is what I had:
- Friendliness – everyone I’ve talked to since your departure has noted how wonderful of a friend you were. How loyal. How you went above and beyond to make everyone feel always considered, included, and loved. You never left anyone out. You always saw the best in people – you didn’t care to dwell on the weaknesses of anyone, you only cared to see their strengths and their beauty. And you were so thoughtful. You never missed a birthday, anniversary, new addition to the family, new departure from the family, thank you, or congratulations when it was due. You were the first to ask how others were doing, even when you were going through the worst of suffering yourself. And from plenty, I’ve heard that you checking in the way you did really changed many bad days to good ones. And that’s just over texts and phone calls. Let’s not forget the impact of your smile and how it could literally light up, not just the day, but the room, the souls of others, and the world around you.
- Accountability – people could trust you. Trust you to get any job done big or small, trust you with their personal sentiment and secrets, trust you to be completely honest and give it to you straight, but more importantly, just trust you to be there. To listen. To help. To take action. To support. To love. People could always count on you.
- Generosity – you gave without expecting anything in return. And you always gave. You gave money to charity and those less fortunate, you gave your full attention and intelligence to work, you gave your full love and support to each one of us, you would probably give the shirt off your back too if we let you. You never kept tally, of who would give back – text back, gift back, love back. You just gave what you had to the rest of the world, and if you had more I’m sure you would have given that too.
- Passion – you did everything in this world with such vigorous passion. Every project you undertook was impressively planned, executed, and always finished to perfection. Your attention to detail was impeccable. Some may mistake your particularity for obsessiveness and control, or your intensity for anger. But those who really know you, know that this was just the passion that naturally bubbled inside you and exploded onto every canvas, journal, sewing machine, microphone, or PowerPoint that you came into contact with. With this passion, you did everything in life to the fullest possible extent. The quilts you made for each new baby in the family were sewn with love in each stitch. We could all feel your enthusiasm for life in the warmth of each one of them. Your writing was straight from your heart – intelligent, truthful, thought-provoking, and let’s not forget flawlessly edited. Just amazing. You danced like no one was watching (even when everyone was because damn those moves were good!). When you traveled you immersed yourself, you learned and you appreciated. When you prayed you did with your whole heart, offering your whole soul to God. When you spoke, we listened, because we were both commanded and serenaded by the sincerity of your words. And after you, we will continue to use your passion as an inspiration to live our lives to the same absolute fullest extent in everything we do too.
- Optimism – you held so much hope in your heart. Throughout your journey with this cancer, you clung to that hope and manifested it within yourself and all of us. You found it within you to trust him so completely. While we all did shed tears together and in anger ask “why us”, you always brought us back to the thought that we could do it, that we would triumph together. And that didn’t mean “winning” or “beating” the cancer to you. It meant just getting through it together, just continuing together – continuing to have faith, to laugh, to be. You always saw the glass half full. You always were grateful for being surrounded by your loved ones in this time, for an amazingly caring medical care team at University of Maryland, for an incredibly understanding workplace at NRL for donating countless weeks and months of leave, for an unbelievable always-on support system, for God by our sides at every step. Even at the end, you did not lose hope when things got really bad. You had such firm resolve in God. You continued to fight, you did not give up, you listened to God and his intention and carried forward with his plan for your soul and for all of us. You were always optimistic that God would do the next right thing for you – and at the end he did, he liberated your soul and assured you he would keep us all okay down here.
- Sacrifice – you suffered so much in this life to give us peace. Even though you were humble, deep down you knew your worth - you knew how special you were and how much of a loss the world would face without you in it. You knew your friends, co-workers, nieces and nephews, cousins, sister, parents, husband, kids could not live without you for a while. Until you had departed all of your wisdom fully on them, you hung on. And you sacrificed, for us, for all of us. It was beautiful to feel that loved, that you literally went to hell and back for all of us. Now with what you have taught us, it is our turn. Now, we will sacrifice, by living without you, for your peace.
- Love – I don’t know how to express your love. Physically it made you feel so warm. Mentally it made you feel so safe. Spiritually you were always holding my hand, spiritually we were never alone. You were so maternal, not just to me, to everyone. You cared for others like your own children, selflessly and unconditionally. You believed in us, and that was one of the best loves of all. You took so much time to give careful advice, and even if we didn’t listen and even if we failed, you would never judge us, you would listen, spend more time guiding us, and work with us relentlessly until we saw the higher standard you had set for us and were encouraged to get there. No matter what, you pushed us to be the best versions of ourselves, you didn’t let us back down from who we could amount to being. That support was constant. That was real love.
- Faith – finally, faith. I always told you, you were my soulmate. I felt so close to you. When I was 11 years old, I started asking you questions about why things were the way they were in life. Through to today, at 23, you continue to help me find the answers. You showed me God, you showed me His reason and intention, and you showed me how to love Him. You showed me my purpose and duty – you showed me my soul. You showed me how to always believe in something bigger than yourself and how that’s the way to happiness in life. I watched you live your entire life that way – with the truth that “everything happens for a reason” at the center. You will always be my soulmate. We were and always will be one in the same. Beyond sharing our love for life, we shared our love for God – and a love that powerful is absolutely permanent. I will continue to pray, meditate, and write to God – loving Him just as you showed me. And while you won’t be here with us, I will always be connected to you, and to Him, and since you are with Him now wherever I find Him, I will find you too.
So now that we’ve celebrated your legacy in this world, let’s finally celebrate your arrival in heaven. Your journey’s culmination as the best possible outcome. At absolute peace!
You heard everything you did for us, for this world. Your soul learned everything that God had intended for any soul to learn in this cycle of life. In this life alone, and in such a short time of 54 years, your soul gained so many virtues to become complete with wisdom - of which friendliness, accountability, generosity, passion, optimism, sacrifice, love, and faith are just a few. Of course, we will miss you emanating those traits and influencing our own lives with that wisdom. But we have also gained a portion of those traits within us from just being blessed enough to be accompanying you during your time here. And with your presence we’ve built the foundation of wisdom from you to carry us through our own lives and to carry on your legacy. For those learnings that will carry on with our souls, and yours, we are thankful.
And because you’ve learned all that there is to in life, it is your time to be done with life, and done with the suffering that comes with it. You’re finally freed from your ego, duty, and the uncontrollable waves of emotions and their weight on your senses. You leave behind unpredictability, turmoil, change, physical pain, and all that is not promised. You also leave me behind, us behind in this suffering alone. I’m incredibly sad that you will not be able to enjoy my wedding, my kids, my life with me – and that you will not be able to be my light to guide me through the darkness of adversity that I will face. But as a soul yearning to learn and manifest selflessness, something I actually starting learning from and with you 2 years ago, I am going to for at least today not be selfish. I am not going to want you, here in this world to continue suffering for me. Just so that I do not feel alone. I’m going to trust in what you taught me, to be strong, for your soul. And be happy for your peace. For your eternal happiness. With that strength from you and from God, I will find happiness here again, and I will still share it with you through the permanent connection between us. But today isn’t about my happiness, its about your happiness. You reaching a place far better than here, a beautiful heaven that transcends all we can understand. This is what you deserved for never shying away from the suffering that was thrust upon you at all stages of your life – you dug deep and optimistically took each obstacle as the opportunity that it was to learn more about the depths of life, the depths of your soul, and the depths of God. And now you will enjoy something deeper than it all.
And for that, I have to show you the same joy you would show me if I found happiness here. On your death bed, you told me your only wish for me was to be happy. After all, you loved me enough to suffer through an extra almost 5 years to make me, keep me, and see me happy with your companionship. And likewise, because I love you the same (I think I love you more, but you told me that was impossible), I only want for you to be happy too. So today and for as long as I can muster the strength, I will do my best to be happy for you finally getting to be happy. And the two of us will be happy together.
I will always be your daughter here in this life. And beyond this life, I will be your soulmate forever. We will meet again up there one day. I love you Mom.